My Life So Far

One piece of bus poetry, written by a 6 or 8-year-old, goes like this:

My Life So Far

I have eight pets.


So I was thinking about my version of this little poem:

My Life So Far

I have had 4 pets.
I have had 15 bestish friends good enough to listen to my secrets & minutiae.
I have one spousal unit who has promised to listen to my secrets & minutiae ad infinitum.
I collect pieces of paper from colleges and universities.
I have 2 spare tires, one of which can be used on my car.
I like water.
I have many many place to see.
...

Now wait just a minute

I thought "til death do you part"
would also include me getting into
the Ray Secret Ingredient Society.

Apparently membership remains
at an exclusive 1.

Pet culture clash

After observing the H Family Pets and the P Family Pet living in the same space, it's become really obviously that they all need to take some cultural diversity sensitivity training. For instance...

FOOD
H Family Pets (HFP) recognize food as anything going in anyone's mouth, no matter who's consuming it or what it is. For some members of HFP, food can also be substances coming out of various other places or found random in the yard or the garbage. Food is something that HFP always desire and will employ various innovative tactics to obtain. Persistence is expected, though not often rewarded.

P Family Pets (PFP) recognize food as some of what is in the appropriate PFP food container, though often this changes, and is found no longer acceptable. Food also includes prosciutto, select Canadian bacon, moist smoked salmon and specific "cat treats," i.e. thinly veiled fish food. Food is desired only some of the time, and persistence is unnecessary.

SOCIALIZATION
HFP want to be where humans are, and when possible, on top of them. Reassurance and physical closeness is always a goal. HFP often like to be near other HFP, but not necessarily PFP. HFP greet each other by one-sided butt sniffing and occasional nose-licking.

PFP some times like to be with people, but often are just as interested as being in a closet, on a chair, or in an inactive washing machine. PFP are nervous about HFP and don't seek them out.

NEEDS AND WANTS
It is acceptable and encouraged to frequently demand things. Whining, talking, "yelling," licking, barking and chewing are all appropriate ways to demand attention, food, change in scenery at any time of the day. It is also to appropriate to engage in these activities if you are just bored. HTP generally want what others have, not just food-wise, but also space-wise. Some HTP will go to great lengths to get exclusive use of other's things, perch on the porch, or paper in use.

PFP will ask for things at certain times of the day. For example, PFP will request food when humans are awake and beginning to start their daily activities. PFP has no interest in HFP food, activities or whereabouts. PFP are proficient at seeking help when none is necessary...walking past HFP, getting down off the roof, etc.

ACTIVITIES
One of HFP primary sports is to go inside and outside. No matter the length of stay on one side of the door or the other, it's desirable to be on the other side of the door nearly every time it opens. It is also optimal to make humans get up and open the door as frequently as possible.

Favorite toys are heavily damaged and smelly stuffed animals.

PFP go outside about once a day, for several hours. PFP's favorite toys include hands and other areas of exposed skin.

Postitos

I keep coming across blog topics, but none of them are really interesting enough to write or read about more than a sentence or two. Maybe it'd be more interesting to squish them all together in a story. Or maybe not, but I'm doing it anyway.

Once upon a time (ha)...I was heading to the social security office, when I realized I didn't have all the paperwork I needed for my errand. Since I was near Trader Joe's, I went in and picked up some things instead. I thought about getting some dark chocolate to keep on hand for chocolate cravings. I don't like dark chocolate that much, so I figured I would be able to resist it, but then realized that was a bad idea as I probably wouldn't resist it as much as think, and it was probably safer to just get it on a situation-critical, as-needed (or "Just In Time" as they say at my old job, where they're BIG on jargon) basis. I stuck with the apple juice, dried apples and lightly salted dry roasted peanuts.

My next stop was the pool, where I contemplated the wait-people Ray and I see so often that they have nicknames. There's The Brad, the waiter who reminds me of my friend/stylist Bradley as he's got a fun, quirky sense of humor and can make great 80s allusions. At the same joint, The Cowboy, the short guy with the cowboy boots who is both friendly and surly, especially when you change your mind about what you want (that never happens!). On Monday night, we visited The Pirate, who looks like a man of the high seas, sans eye patch. He complimented me on my lemonade order (?). Then there's all the people at the coffee shop...Cartoon Guy, Heidi, and The Dumb Girl. I wish we could've had nicknames for the people at the tortas place a few blocks away, but they closed up more than a year ago, before we got motivated enough to get there...bummer.

On the way home I thought about how much I like school so far, and how I hope I don't look old enough to be anybody's mother (I couldn't be anyway, could I?...not really). There are a number of people in both my classes that are my age or older, though we are easily outnumbered by the 20-year-olds ("...like, y'know, um, it's like, so I'm kinda confused, y'know...") I'm thinking about all of this when suddenly a gigantic spider suddenly appears in front of my right eye. I swat him away and try not to swerve off the arterial on which I'm driving about 45. I look frantically for him and he's nowhere to be found. Did he drop down from the ceiling, or worse, out of my hair? Finally I spot him as I'm wondering if I should be looking for a spider while I'm still going 45, especially as I have no health insurance for several more days since my insurance transition got totally fubared. He's actually not gigantic, but about the size of a dime, and a nice camel color. Regardless of his chic shade of brown, he's still a spider. I feel around for an old magazine in the back seat, find one, and get him to crawl onto it (still driving 45) and throw the magazine to the other side of the car. I hope he died in the fall, since I don't want to touch that magazine again.

FINIS

Whew...well that was a completely spastic, jumbled non-story.

Water: a mood altering substance

I am a complete nutter.

Yesterday I went to the 5 pm lap swim. As usual, it was busier than other times of the day. I got in the "medium" lane with 3 other people in it. It was miserable. Two of the people had absolutely no clue about lane etiquette...like never stopping at the wall to let faster swimmers by, and not standing to the side of the lane when resting so others can turn properly. There was no way anyone in this lane was swimming at a medium pace. I don't even know exactly what one woman was doing, stroke-wise. Anyway, I spent about 20 minute trying to get a workout without hurting someone or being completely mean. I finally moved to another lane when one cleared out a bit, but it was too late...I was cranky and tense for the rest of the evening.

On the other end of the mood spectrum, I finally went to the club nearby to see about membership. I had a price in mind I was willing to pay, and was completely prepared to play hardball. The problem was...the pool was gorgeous: it was nearly empty, well-kept, had very nice, wave-retarding lane lines, and is available for lap swimming any time. The sales guy said that usually no more than one person occupies a lane, if that. Gulp. I had to really work to not drool all over the place.

Anyway, I signed up for 15 months for less that what I pay per month at the public pool. I have been a happy happy girl all day!

Should I be worried about such mood swings over friggin' swimming?

Vegas reading

When I wasn't floating down the fake river, I did lots of poolside reading:

Persuasion by Jane Austen: Good, predictable but totally enjoyable.
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon: Also good story about an autistic teenager solving a neighborhood mystery.
The Washingtonienne by Jessica Cutler: the "novel" inspired by the well-known blog of the same name about the wild rendezvous of a congressional staff assistant, her peeps, and a presidential appointee or two.

Ray read The Washingtonienne and also The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon, which I'd like to read soon. Set in the near-future, it's also a story about an autistic man who is offered a "cure" to become "normal." It won some awards.

Ray also read The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. I don't think I'm going to read that one.

The best thing in Vegas

The best part of our trip, aside from it being our honeymoon, and going to see Cirque du Soleil's "O", was the Lazy River at Mandalay Bay. I got good and pruny each and every day.

The kitchen is full

I just got done unpacking wedding presents received to date, and my lord, I don't think we better put anything else in the kitchen cupboards. Somehow, we now have 6 glass pyrex measuring cups, 5 13x9 pans, 4 sets of mixing bowls, and glasses for every type of drink. You want margaritas? We can do that. Champagne? Do you want a flute? Blue tinted, blue stemmed or clear? How about some cheese on a special little cheese plate? Is any of this going back? Nope, but some of the old stuff is being swapped out for the new stuff. Bottomline: we is spoiled.

June 4: Review

The ceremony...lovely, intimate and special
The rings...did not fall between boards of the dock!
The setting and decor...beautiful and functional.
The cake...raves for my sister's creations, and various plots to take pieces home.
The security...the Vice President couldn't have done any better.
The dance floor...busy until the end, with periodic dance lessons by "Diva of the Dance Floor" Enrique.

There were so many fun, funny and special moments that I'm too tired to describe now, but Ray and I agreed it was a perfect and amazing night, and we didn't feel distracted or overwhelmed for a moment. Today = exhaustion. Ray's comment: "It feels like we just did a concert."

Off to Vegas!