True story

I went to the dentist yesterday. Since I hadn't been to the dentist in at least three years, I was extremely nervous. I was convinced my gums had receded to the point of root exposure, a few teeth would need to be removed, and I would be a candidate for early dentures.

This was the first time I'd seen a dentist other than Dr. W., who had been my dentist since the womb and must be at least 85 by now. I opted to switch to Ray's dentist since, in addition to good reviews, I'd heard he uses all the latest gizmos, is generous with the laughing gas, and "has a chin like Viggo Mortensen."

They took about 800 x-rays when I got there...all digital, which is much better than those horrid little cardboard-covered film pieces my old dentist made me bite down on. Ewh. After the x-rays, Dr. L. came in and quietly looked at them. A few minutes passed. The longer the silence, the more I prepared myself for the worst.

"So, er...how do they look so far?"

"Actually, a bit of a snooze. I don't see any problems..."

No way.

After going through the x-rays, he took his poker-hook thing and started prodding around.

"Nice looking teeth. Gums too. You've been doing a good job..."

No way.

The rest of the visit went similarly. The hygenist used words like "lovely" and "very nice" to describe my teeth. Good thing I was laying in that cush dentist chair, because I would've fallen over. She did end up finding a wee cavity in the back, but Dr. L. took a look and said, "There's no way you could've done anything to prevent that one...it's in a really deep groove."

All in all, it's a new age in dentistry. Not only do they use supersonic vibrations and digitized images as part of their regular check-ups, but they've caught on to a little thing called Positive Reinforcement. Excellent!

One problem: my daily dental regimen was based on fear and paranoia. What will be my motivation now?